Amy Winehouse, Anders Behring Breivik and the end of the American Dream

What do Amy Winehouse and Anders Behring Breivik have in common?

They had planned to meet up on that bloody little Norwegian island over the third weekend of July and make babies. Anders had written in his diary, "If she (Amy) doesn't show up she knows what will happen. it will be the end of America as we know it.' 

And we know that she never made it.

Anders slowly became very, very angry when he received the text message from his Little Whiner on the Friday.

SORRY, CANT COME. GOING TO PARTY WITH JENS. A  XXX

Jens is the Labour prime minister of Norway.

Before he had realised it Anders was on his way to China where he very easily did the necessary to arrange for a tragic train accident. He was sure this would throw the FBI off his tracks while he prepared for his ultimate act of love. 

Back in Oslo he quickly put together a very powerful car bomb using the fertiliser he had amassed over the past months.

Knowing that one day it would come to this the cunning blond Anders had set up a bio farm a few months earlier but the blond had taken over the day he placed a standing order for 6 tons of Monsanto's best explosive fertiliser. Fortunately for him the CIA would not investigate this until two years later after the Amy/Anders Truth Seekers had started to make a dent in the public consciousness.

As Mr Breivik was DIYing the bomb that was to shake the heart of Oslo and kill his arch enemy, the Muslim loving Jens Stoltenberg, his mercurial mind was writing the horrific scenario that was to take place on idyllic Utoeya island where a group of young Islamics disguised as blond-haired, blue-eyed Scandinavians were going to be plotting the Ultimate Takeover of the World.

He wasn't very good at shooting; his friends had mocked how he couldn't even hit  a stuffed elk at twenty paces, but he knew God would be guiding his hands and eyes.

"Fucking Amy Goodman..." he mumbled to himself as he counted out the 98 bullets he would be using to start the Norwegian Revolution. Luckily Amy Goodman was in Manhattan visiting with Juan Gonzales - it was his daughter's birthday - and would narrowly escape the massacres that were soon to be happening throughout the civilised world.

"The Chinese train wreck, explosion in the political heart of Oslo and the blood bath on the island should be enough to distract everyone while I go to Hampstead and do my real job. And it will be all over the Sunday papers, especially The News of the World... Oh, fuck! Fucking, bloody Murdoch... You're next, mate."

And so, after carrying out the Norwegian Twin Attacks (Not twin in that the two attacks were identical, no, just twin in the fact that it makes you think of the Twin Towers, Muslims and terrorism) he deftly removed his police officer disguise - hired from a fancy dress shop once belonging to Kate Middleton's father - and slipped into England, to London, to Amy Winehouse's flat where he took his revenge, giving the neoconservatives a few minutes out of the spotlight to pass the bill that would be the end of America as we know it.

Of course, I am not telling you anything you don't know.

Sources: Voice of America     

A brief history of workhouses

1349

The Black Death reached England. The Ordinance of Labourers prohibited the giving of relief to able-bodied beggars, "that they may be compelled to labour for their necessary living."

1388

The Statute of Cambridge:

• restricted the movements of all labourers and beggars
• made county "Hundreds" responsible for their own "impotent poor"

1494

The Vagabonds and Beggars Act threatened "vagabonds, idle and suspected persons" with three days in the stocks on a diet of bread and water. However, beggars too infirm to work could stay in their Hundred and be allowed to beg.

1536

Dissolution of smaller monasteries by Henry VIII and Thomas Cromwell.

1539

Dissolution of remaining monasteries.

1547

The Statute of Legal Settlement provided for the branding or enslavement of sturdy beggars. The impotent poor were to receive relief and have cottages erected for their use.

1576

An Act For Setting of the Poor on Work, and for the Avoiding of Idleness stipulated:

• Every town to set up stocks of materials for the poor to work on.
• Every county to set up a House of Correction for anyone refusing to work.

1597-8

An Acte for the Reliefe of the Poore required Churchwardens and four overseers in each parish to:

• Set children and poor to work
• Relieve the impotent
• Bind out pauper children as apprentices
• Tax 'every inhabitant and occupier of lands' in the parish for above purposes.

1601

An Acte for the Reliefe of the Poore consolidated and replaced a variety of previous legislation and aimed at:

• Establishment of parochial responsibility, with churchwardens or overseers (from two to four in number, depending on the size of the parish) allocating relief.
• Suppression of begging.
• Provision of work.
• Use of county Houses of Correction for vagrants.
• Setting to work and apprenticeship of children.

1647

London Corporation of the Poor set up to:

• Erect workhouses and houses of correction
• Enforce laws against vagabonds
• Set the poor to work

1662

An Act for the better Relief of the Poor of this Kingdom (The Settlement Act) stipulated that newcomers to a parish who were deemed "likely to become chargeable" could be removed upon the orders of two Justices of the Peace if a complaint was made against them within 40 days of arrival, provided they had not rented a house worth at least £10 a year.

1696

Bristol Incorporation formed by a local Act giving it powers to erect a workhouse etc.

1697

An Act For supplying some Defects in the Laws for the Relief of the Poor stipulated:

• Newcomers with certificates to be removed only when chargeable
• Those receiving relief to wear identifying badges
• Fines for those who refuse to take pauper apprentices

1723

Knatchbull's Act (The Workhouse Test Act) Enabled workhouses to be set up by parishes either singly, or in combination with neighbouring parishes. In addition, relief was to be offered only to those willing to enter the workhouse.

1741

The Foundling Hospital was founded by Captain Thomas Coram.

1762

An Act "for the keeping regular, uniform and annual Registers of all Parish Poor Infants under a certain Age, within the Bills of Mortality" required Metropolitan parishes to maintain proper records of children admitted into their workhouses.

1766

Hanway's Act, promoted by Foundling Hospital governor Jonas Hanway, required that all pauper children under six from Metropolitan parishes be sent to school in the countryside at least three miles from London or Westminster. The nursing and maintenance of each child was to cost at least two shillings and sixpence per week.

1780

Sunday School movement begins with opening of a school in Gloucester by Robert Raikes.

1782

Gilbert's Act Authorised parishes to unite and set up a common workhouse controlled by a board of guardians appointed by JPs. Able-bodied poor to be dealt with outside the workhouse e.g. by providing them with work and supplementing wages.

1800

Act of Union makes Ireland part of Great Britain.

1810

First British School set up by British and Foreign Schools Society.
Badging of the Poor abolished.

1811

First National School set up by The National Society for the Education of the Poor in the Principles of the Established Church.

1818

First Ragged School opened by John Pounds.

1819

Sturges Bourne's Act allowed parishes to appoint:

• select vestries to scrutinise relief-giving.
• a salaried assistant overseer.

1831

Passing of the The Vestries Act (Houbhouse's Act) which allowed parishes to adopt a procedure for the management of the parish, particulary in relation to poor relief, based on a vestry elected from the ratepayers.

1824

Passing of the Vagrancy Act

1832

Royal Commission on the Poor Laws appointed.
Allotment's Act - authorised Vestries to let small portions of land, from a quarter of an acre up to an acre, to industrious cottagers for cultivation. The rental income was to be used to buy winter fuel for the poor.

1834

Report of the Royal Commission published in March.
Poor Law Amendment Act received royal assent on August 14th.
Poor Law Commissioners sworn in on August 23rd.

1835

Abingdon declared as first new Poor Law Union on January 1st — its new workhouse received its first inmates in November of the same year.

1836

Report of the Royal Commission on Ireland published. George Nicholls tours Ireland.

1838

An Act For the more effectual Relief of the Destitute Poor in Ireland passed on July 31st

1840

The Vaccination Extension Act provided for the vaccination of infants to be made free to all. It was locally administered via Poor Law Unions and their Medical Officers.

1842

The Outdoor Labour Test Order, issued by the PLC in April, allowed relief (at least half of which was to be in food, clothing etc.) to be given to to able-bodied male paupers satisfying a Labour Test.

1844

A further Poor Law Amendment Act improved numerous details of the 1834 Act. One of its most significant changes was a revision to the bastardy laws whereby mothers were granted the civil right of claim against the putative father, regardless of whether she was in receipt of poor relief.
The Outdoor Relief Prohibitory Order issued by the PLC in December, prohibited all outdoor relief to able-bodied men and women apart from in exceptional circumstances.
Hanway's Act of 1766 repealed.

1845

An Act For The Amendment and better Administration of the Laws Relating to the relief of the Poor in Scotland proposed keeping poor relief in Scotland primarily at the parish level. Parishes, particularly in urban areas, could unite and build poorhouses for the old and infirm.
Andover Workhouse Scandal - conditions were so bad that inmates were revealed to be fighting over scraps of rotten meat left on bones they were crushing.

1845-50

The Great Famine in Ireland.

1846

An Act granted settlement after five years' residence in a parish.
Start of annual government grant of £30,000 towards the salaries of teachers in pauper schools.

1847

Poor Law Board replaced Poor Law Commission.

1848-50

Irish Poor Law Unions reorganised with creation of 33 new Unions.

1852

The Poor Law Board's Outdoor Relief Regulation Orders in August and December broadened the conditions under which outdoor relief could be provided.

1857

The Industrial Schools Act aimed to make better provision for the care and education of vagrant, destitute and disorderly children who were considered in danger of becoming criminals.

1858

Workhouse Visiting Society founded by Louisa Twining

1861

Another Industrial Schools Act defined the classes of children who could be placed in an Industrial School: under-14s found begging; under-14s wandering, and not having any home or visible means of subsistence, or frequenting the company of reputed thieves; under-12s committing an affence punishable by imprisonment; under-14s whose parent claims he is unable to control him, and is prepared to pay for the child to be detained in an Industrial School.

1864

The Houseless Poor Act made it obligatory for Metropolitan Boards of Guardians to provide casual wards for "destitute wayfarers, wanderers, and foundlings".

1865

The Union Chargeability Act based each parish's contribution to the union's funds on its rateable value not how many paupers it had. The union also became the area of settlement and the period of residency required for irremovability was reduced to one year.
The Lancet exposed the terrible conditions that existed in many London workhouse infirmaries.

1866

A further Industrial Schools Act required that children on remand for charges punishable by committal to an industrial school should be kept in workhouses rather than prsions.

1867

The Metropolitan Poor Act set up a Common Poor Fund to finance the construction and operation of new fever hospitals and asylums for London's poor. It also gave the Local Government Board powers to abolishe the Local Act status of many of London's parishes and to reorganise and dissolve unions.
The Metropolitan Asylums Board was set up to take over the provide care for paupers with infectious diseases such as smallpox or who were classed as 'harmelssimbeciles'.

1869

Abolition of Gilbert's Unions still in existence.

1870

Education Act introduced compulsory elementary education adminstered by local School Boards.
The MAB's North-Western Fever Hospital opened in Hampstead, becoming England's first state hospital.

1871

Local Government Board replaced Poor Law Board.

1875

Public Health Act set up nationwide system of rural and urban sanitary authorities.
First Woman Guardian elected — to the Kensington Union Board.

1876

The Divided Parishes and Poor Law Amendment Act gave the Local Government Board new powers to reorganise and dissolve unions.

1883

Once-a-week fish dinners allowed in workhouses.

1885

Prior to 1918, receipt of poor relief disqualified the recipient from voting. The 1885 Medical Relief Disqualification Removal Act meant that anyone who was in receipt only of poor-rate-funded medical care no longer lost their vote.

1891

The Public Health (London) Law Consolidation Bill extended free access the MAB's fever hospitals to all Londoners (not just paupers) thus creating England's first free state hospitals.

1902

Education Act replaced School Boards by Local Education Authorities and raised school-leaving age to 14.

1904

The Registrar General requested that workhouse births be disguised by the use of euphemistic addresses.

1905

Royal Commission on the Poor Law and the Unemployed appointed

1908

Children's Act gave local authorities new powers to keep poor children out of the workhouse

1909

Old Age Pension introduced on January 1st.
Royal Commission Majority Report and Minority Report published

1911

Unemployment Insurance and Health Insurance began in a limited form.

1913

Workhouse now referred to as Poor Law Institution in official documents

1919

Ministry of Health replaced Local Government Board

1921

Irish Free State created - former workhouses become County Homes, County Hospitals, and District Hospitals

1926

Board of Guardians (Default) Act enabled dismissal of a Board of Guardians and its replacement with government officials.

1929

Local Government Act abolished all Poor Law Authorities and transferred their responsibilities for "public assistance" to local councils.

1944

Education Act introduced primary and secondary schools; merged boys and girls schools at the primary level; raised school-leaving age to 15.

1948

National Health Service Act came into force on July 5th.

Source: http://www.workhouses.org.uk/timeline/

Lord Burtonfarp and Nastley Estate

Delbor's father, Lord Burtonfarp of Much Leering, owned Nastley Estate where he, Delbor and a number of other people; friends, relatives, visitors, helpers..? - not always easy for Delbor to give a status to - lived. He had bought the place for a nominal sum from the local council in 1955, agreeing to maintaining the building and grounds in as good a state as possible.


Nastley Estate had been an outdated hospital that had been closed and was scheduled to be knocked down. It was originally built as a workhouse in 1870 for the far-too-many homeless; rapscallions; ne're-do-well; thieves; vagabonds and other scum that populated the thriving market town of Vulvaton. The bankers, shopkeeprs, merchants and new industrialists were doing well in Victorian England. But the better off they became the more the human vermin swarmed the streets.


Many of the names of the poor miscreants who found themselves in Nastley Estate - in fact a jumble of ugly buildings around a few quadrangles with a semblance of garden and lawns over by The Blocks where the mad girls and women were kept - would be written into the Bad Books that Delbor would find about eighty years later in the Old Mortuary. The records of punishments and fines meted out for cursing, being late, not finishing a task; mainly beatings and thrashings disguised as "caning" in the inky scrawl of a workhouse clerk.


Lord Burtonfarp was allowed to buy the old hospital for a handful of beans because he was, or had been, someone important. He may have been an artist or a writer; perhaps a scientist, politician or engineer. But it was obvious when you met him, spoke with him, that he was someone special. And knowledgeable. Also a very pleasant person: charming, considerate, thoughtful, witty. Good looking; very good looking women often repeated when talking of him. He wasn't married and apparently lived with his sisters and his mother and some other people who looked after Nastley. But no one knew anything about Delbor's mother.